Journey

Note: For some reason my first blog stopped working so I combined my old posts here. Also, I do not edit my posts they are for my sanity only so please don't mind the typing errors and grammar.

 

First post: My Little Girl

Ever since I was a little girl, and I mean little, it was stuck in my head that I was going to adopt...go to another country, do mission work, and in the process adopt. Let's just say life happened and now that I'm in my latter part of my life I have decided to add a little girl to the mix of my three boys, two exchange students, two labs, and of course my lovely husband. Although the process is still new, I can barely contain how excited I am to have 4 classes out of way, one more to go, and an orientation meeting scheduled for March 11th. I've been saying it forever, checked out about every other website, every agency, every option from international to infant, and have finally opted for foster care in the United States. Yet, there I am checking the profiles on Adopt US Kids even though I know it's too early yet. AND IT's FOR REAL THIS TIME!

But, what the biggest issue is:

My gain is a huge loss for them as they get new parents and not their biological parents. And even though they are in foster care for a reason they will always love their parents. So, it's not a perfect situation, knowing that they will have that natural sorrow that comes with adoption.


My biggest hope for my future daughter is that she will have a secure life, make her dreams come true, and have the chance to be in a home where there is love and calmness.

For my boys, I hope they learn to love their sister and understand how lucky they are.

For my husband, to know how much I APPRECIATE HIM FOLLOWING MY dreams!

And most of all, to God for everything. Thanks for blessing me every day!

 

 

Second Post: March 2014

Like I said, I have been talking adoption forever but now am finally doing something about it. But for the last six months, I have been checking my state's adoption website because I noticed this 14 year old girl who reminded me of a mini me...dirty brown hair, green eyes, and dorky glasses. The thing that really got to me about this girl was what she said when they asked her what she was looking for her in a family. She lowered her pained look to the ground as she whispered, "Just someone to accept me as I am." It nabbed me in the gut how this teenage girl was not asking for things like most teens, but instead mere acceptance and someone to love her for who she is. So, basically, when I checked the website today my heart dropped when I saw she had been matched. Amanda who absolutely loves books and Harry Potter. In the back of my mind I think I was hoping she would still be available when our home study was completed. I am happy for her to have found someone but there was just something about her that I felt a connection to.


Tuesday is my orientation meeting and we have our last class coming up March 22. I am so excited and nervous about all the big decisions...foster to adopt, young or older, out of state in state, and again, nervous about all the horror stories online. I want to be smart and make the best situation for my children, husband, and the child. Pray for me as I make these decisions.

And, Amanda, I pray that your new family gives you that acceptance you deserve!

 

Third Post:

A find at a consignment shop....doesn't it seem like things happen for a reason! A write in daughter's book:)

 

4th Post:

And it begins....

And the paper chase begins....
drum roll....
pen and paper
nope
I need to type
Writing is too sloppy!
Can I be a super mom and get that paperwork done in a flash so I can meet you even faster?


Hope So!
)

 

4th Post:My Glow Stick Dancers

May they always dance fearlessly!

My husband and I had an argument about our two boys doing a dance routine at the talent show. The first time he went to a talent show for my  son, he heard some kids make fun of him. So, he flat out refused to go if they performed. I know in his own way that he was worried about how he would react to the bullying if there was any mean comments. I choose to cheer like crazy when they announced their names so that the students around me would be aware that his parents were close by. Everyone was great and I even heard people yell out their names in encouragement.

A lady next to me even started clapping and getting the audience going when they were laughing at this boy who had an okay voice.Everyone followed her lead. One person made a difference and in the end he actually received the most cheers.

Many times I look at the comments posted on pictures and videos and I want to literally cry. Why do we call  each other ugly, stupid, and worthless?

The talent show reminded me that we all have the ability to make things positive. I am proud of my boys and that they tried out for something and followed through.

5th Post:

It was quite fitting that I walked into that coffee shop today because everything about the place from the  bright colors and hopeful quotes painted in the ceilings projected peace and patience. To be truthful, the one aspect of my life that I consistently struggle with on a daily basis is patience. I want to get from A to Z quickly. Now, I'm not that kind of person who gets mad that I have to wait in line, rather, I actually embellish having human contact and will avoid the u scans even if I have to wait. It is the personal goals I have for family and myself that get me distracted and impatient. 

Right now, one of my paths in my journey is adoption. We started  in January and now it is August and we are still waiting to get our license. It is so hard to look at the empty room and not want to fill it with pretty things like pink flowers and hearts. It is a long process and I need to be patient because I know you are out there and we are waiting for you! Plus, you might not like pink flowers and hearts.


So, this blog is going to be a tool to help me "run towards the sun" in the hopes that I will savor every moment and work hard to avoid all the distractions around me like work, technology, money, and the plain old junk cluttering around in my heart and head.  It will be my fifteen minute reminder to validate my feelings and than move on. My journey to be a better person. That is why Walt Whitman's quote, "keep your face always toward the sunshine-and the shadows will fall behind you", sticks. How many times did I turn from the sun and let the shadows take over what is really important?

As I head towards the sun, I am going to stop and appreciate what I do have this week. The real beauty of life is living.