Have a little faith

My middle child who never wanted to go to church spent the past week talking me into going to church. With summer and all the camping, we sort of strayed away from attending. It was refreshing for me for once to not be the one to try to talk to my guys into attending. It was a reminder to me that maybe, just maybe, all that pushing I had done getting them to church had finally amounted to something. And also, maybe it's me now that needs some spirit revamping. I had to say that my faith and attitude has turned into "poo" lately. I am really glad that I went today and like usual it felt like the message was personally made for me.

The message at church this week was about how bad things happen and not always for a reason. Plain and simple, we all make bad decisions and sometimes we are called on it. Not that bad things don't happen to good people, I think about the "Foley" family who lost their brother to ISIS recently. It was amazing to watch his siblings have a positive attitude in such a tragedy when I watched their interview with Katie Couric. They brought up how maybe, something will come out good from the tragedy like the USA handling kidnap victims better. Their spirit amazed me!

Sometimes I feel like I walk around with a big, bad ball of bad things above me like a big ball filled with confetti, ready to drop on me any second. I suppose it is good to prepare yourselves and also use warnings to deter yourself from making bad decisions. But the truth is, we all are going to have bad things happen to us. So, I feel that I need to fully enjoy the good ones.

I have so much yet to do....so many wonderful things. I want to climb the mountains, swim in the sea, hold my grandchildren, make a difference! Reality is,as long as I breathe there will be conflicts, thinks that make me stray, but I am glad that I am back on track for now. Thanks G Man for bringing me back to where I needed to be!

Friday

So, today my son, the wonderful salesman that he is, sent me a sweet text message. Although he could be buttering me up for his Friday night plans, it was wonderful to see! The sweet things in life are free. So, pass on the love today.

 

 

 

Our adoption worker came up and did her last walk through our house. She said it should be ready by end of September. I also signed us up for our first match party in a big city! Should be interesting.

 

 

And on a positive note I get to sleep in tomorrow!

 

Children are our biggest resource and it saddens me to hear about all the programs, schools, and teacher layoff's that are going on in my state. It also saddens me to hear about test scores, although partly important, are becoming the biggest indicator of  quality in schools. When I was a child (too many years ago), I remember taking naps and learning how to play with others in a relaxed setting in kindergarten. We even had time for show and tell. But, the truth is I feel that I had an excellent education! And despite the relaxed atmosphere, I was able to learn my facts and then go on to higher concepts!

 Too often I hear from parents who have children in primary grades that they are bothered by the amounts of homework that their children bring home. They are overwhelmed! Today while at physical therapy with my son it was nice to hear the parent's side of view about homework. The reality is many things have changed since I was in kindergarten...socioeconomics, the economy, technology, and the dynamics of the traditional family! So, schools will have to change along with it but I do think there are some valuable lessons we can learn from the past.


School is not just about test scores! Students need to learn about making good choices, being a good citizen, working hard, treating others with respect, and so on. Not everyone is going to go to college or needs a perfect test score. Some students will go on to college and pursue a higher level education of  while others will work with their hands. We are all unique and that is why I feel the cookie cutter plans for education are in no way going to produce the perfect batch.

With my youngest son, J Man, who has struggled most of his life with medical, physical, and learning disabilities, I have seen how individualizing education can work. Each child is a unique gift! Everything for my son has not been easy but with early on programs, speech, physical and occupational therapy he has made many gains. He can learn but differently. J Man has had some wonderful people in his life. Yes, there have been stand out's, but not every person can reach the same child.

Cutting the arts and elective type courses while implementing more requirements is not the perfect recipe. The reality is some students only attend school because of the arts!I also know that Algebra II can be a complete waste of time for some special needs students who would benefit from learning job skills. Yet, inclusion can work and has proven in some ways, that students with disabilities can be challenged and succeed. But, again, the word "individualized comes to mind".

On a very personal note, somebody asked me yesterday if I would talk to a person considering abortion because she found out her child has Dandy Walker Syndrome and hydrocephalus (what J Man has) because she is uncertain of what to do. When I was pregnant with J Man, the doctor was concerned because the baby wasn't gaining weight but we didn't know that he had something wrong with him.I remember when J Man was two that we finally got a diagnosis. I remember searching the Internet and hearing all the scary things. But this I do know, J Man has been the biggest blessing to me and all around him! But, can I promise this lady that she will have the same experience. I can't because there are varying degrees of Dandy Walker and Hydrocephalus. Can I promise her that she won't see her child have endless shunt surgeries and infections etc.? No, I can't.

But, the one thing I can say is that there are wonderful people every day who dedicate their lives to serving others. J Man has had some exceptional people and programs get him where he is today! With the way education is going, we are losing some of these exceptional people that make a HUGE difference. All I can say is people please start speaking up for our kids and schools. We have a lot to lose.

On a positive note, I am attaching a picture of J Man when he was at his worst physically and a video of where he is now. It might not seem like a big deal but for my young J Man who at one time could barely speak a sound or crawl or walk, it is a miracle. My special miracle! I would do it all over again!

DJ Teach

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

J Man in tougher times!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Seriously, that cannot be pink in our house, is it true?

 

 

 

Well, I decided to purchase this comforter for $5.00 for the first few weeks that my daughter comes. Afterwards, I thought it would be a great idea for us to let her pick out items for her room. The yellow blanket was given to me by my mother, the duck was by our exchange son Hyeok, the desk was in my family as children, and for some reason this glass dolphin caught my eye. Maybe, it's because dolphins look so free! After talking to the art teacher where I teach, she said that she would ask some students for me to paint some fun shelving! Just love to see PINK!

Sometimes in life it is really easy to feel down like you are entrenched in a dark spot. Feeling that all week! But, in reality aren't I lucky enough to have a home, one well-behaved lab, one psychotic lab puppy lol, three healthy boys, and a wonderful man who loves me unconditionally! Even more so, my parents and siblings are all here! Sometimes we need to remind ourselves what we do have, but it is not always easy!!!

All week I have been listening to some positive songs and quotes to get my optimism grooving! And I must, because life is for living! Don't want to waste time on the negative! If you are feeling the same way, I am praying for ya!

Although I am working on the positive, there is always work to do! As a special education teacher, my reality is that job security in my chosen career is about as secure as a person walking across a thin layer of ice. Risky! So, this week I have been thinking about the what if's! What if I lose my job, what if I can't find any teaching job if I do lose my job next year, and what if I have to choose another career? I am thinking about other options just in case.

I got called for my first adoption placement...the person was older and had some pretty serious meds and issues. I am glad I got a call but knew this was not the right child for us. Pray that this child finds a home!

So, all you trying to get positive people like me just out this quote and song that I "used" a lot this week to bring up the sun and to remind me to be nice even when I don't feel it.

Look Like Love

Adoption Worker

G Man's college picture

 

 

I have been reading many adoption books, blogs, and state adoption websites. So, today when the adoption worker stopped by I found out that I didn't know as much as I thought I did. When I heard that I got my foster license, I had assumed that the adoption worker was just going to go over the process. Well, we received some more paperwork, actually, quite close to the foster license paperwork we just finished with Sarah our foster care licensing worker. Bad news, more paperwork, good news, the get her done part of me will have it complete in a jiffy. Yet, we found out we have to get fingerprinted again (the same place as before) and go to our local police station and get a clearance. Seriously, it will probably be completed by next week.

Our social worker, Brianna, was adorable, adorable enough that I noticed my two boys kept walking by the kitchen (teenage boys). She was also very kind and enthusiastic. Her project date for having the adoption addendum completed is October. I was also relieved to find out that there are many more kids available for adoption in Michigan than what is listed on the adoption website for our state. The reason they don't list all the young ones is that they can get over 200 home studies per child because everyone wants them young. To be honest, 4 to 8 years old seems like an ideal age for me but I wanted to keep an open mind so we put our home study up to age 14. She also stated that the adoption costs would be around $200.00. You can't even get a well-check up for a dog at the pound for that price. Imagine that! Another incentive, they provide is an adoption subsidy to help with extra costs like therapy, doctor appointments, etc. that I am sure we will need.

On a side notes, I was floored this week when someone with a fake profile posted Hitler pictures on my younger son's Facebook. The person also said something to the extent that you are autistic so you might as well stick a rag in the exhaust and die. First of all, my son is not autistic but does that really matter? Yes, I admit that I got extremely pissed off but that's because my son is Cognitively Impaired. When you are a mom with a child that is innocent, you have to make sure that nobody hurts your child because they don't always understand when they are being bullied. Plus, I wanted that boy to know that he messed with the wrong kid!.It wasn't to be mean to the bully, rather make a clear point! Here is what I posted on my son's page:


 I am not normally one to bring up serious issues on Facebook but something very disturbing happened to my son J Man this week on Facebook. As many of you know, J Man has had health issues and does have some disabilities. A person on J Man's Facebook posted  pictures of Hitler and a post that stated “you are autistic so you might as well put a towel in the exhaust and let it run.” Not that it matters, J Man is not autistic, but that was extremely sick.

I did report it on Facebook but nothing happened. There are many kids from our community on this person’s Facebook. All I can say is that J Man truly is one of the kindest people I know and he never has a bad word to say about anybody. He truly reminds me every day to appreciate every moment you have on this earth. I would like to find out who this man face is because I truly think he needs help and that his parents need to know. I am also asking you to share this message and please remember to not be cruel. It is easy to be cruel behind a screen but it is still wrong. This is not meant to be mean to the man face but I am concerned about the comments he is making.

If you look up the definition of the word man, you will see this definition on google, “a man or boy who shows the qualities (such as strength and courage) that men are traditionally supposed to have. It is obvious man face that you truly should not use the word man in your username as your actions defy having any strength and courage”.
J Man's mom


After putting that on his page, many of his friends that watch out for him responded to the page. Some of them talked about their own experience with bullying. Others told me how much J Man makes them smile. It made me feel good that I took a stand and that J Man has people, besides me watching out for him.

I end this with G Man's words that he got from a friend today: " Leave your worries by the shoreline and run your bare feet through the sand. Let the water be a soft bed when you cannot bear to stand. Make friends with flying seagulls and hold the sun up in your palm. Before you duck beneath the water where the world is mute and calm, tell the fish all your problems as they all come swimming past. When your lungs are close to bursting, swim above the waves and gasp. Let the water hold your sadness and wash it right out of the sea. So, like a message in the bottle all your worries are set free.  The sea might make you feel alone but the world has troubles too. For how else do you suppose the ocean got so blue?"

My take we all have problems, some days life is worry free, other days not so much. We have to remember to find the joy in WHAT WE DO HAVE. A great message after such an emotional week at work!

Wow!

Well, I heard officially from our social worker that we are an approved foster care family so we will be able to start  looking for children soon. The next step is the most important, finding a child that will fit with our family. These children have been through so much and it is important for me to make sure that I take the time to find the right fit. It wont be a perfect fit, but the best fit for the child and us. It is a big move, a very big move, please pray that we make the right decision.

I cannot even begin to explain how it feels to literally scroll through the faces available for adoption on Adopt US Kids. It seems so callous to pass them by, like the newsfeed on Facebook. They are actually breathing living things and here I am scrolling through them like I am shopping. It is one hell of a heart break to actually realize that in a strange way I am.

I should be jumping all over the place but it is bittersweet. When I was at work today, we found out due to test scores that the school I work at is placed on priority alert. Basically, it means the state can take over our school and up to 50% of us could lose our jobs due to test scores.

It is a big dilemma, teacher accountability, and it is not a easy fix. There are so many obstacles that affect test scores, parental support, school attendance, funding, and yes, teachers. But, we are not the only solutions. I would love to see the people coming up with these plans working with me not against me because I worked hard to be a teacher! IT was my dream. After hearing about our nonexistent job security, I had asked a fellow teacher what he has for a backup plan. He said it clearly....college was my back up plan. Sad, when you think about it!


So, was today's meeting to tell me maybe, that I shouldn't adopt with the potential storm brewing ahead? I'm not sure but I am a fighter! As a nontraditional student, I graduated while raising three little boys, one medically challenged, and worked full time. What college taught me most of all is that I have a choice in my future so I know that I can rise from the ashes of my dream and find something else. I cannot control everything around me but I can control myself. And I am choosing to not let things knock me down.

Well, hopefully everything is going well in your neck of the woods. May the love in your heart stir many possibilities. Do me a favor tell someone you love tomorrow how much you appreciate them.

Thanks for listening! G man and J man helped me make a video!

G Man

 

 

Well, today is a big day for my kids! My eldest G Man is going to early college orientation. He is technically a junior but with all these new cool programs (wish they had them when I was young) he can get college credits and a high school diploma, the same time! Free college, does not take a rocket scientist to figure that one out! Free books as well,  just love all the books that I paid a small fortune for collecting dust on my bookshelf.

 

 

G Man is complicated and probably to be honest, more like me than any of my children. 16 years ago he came out looking like the carbon copy of my husband and that hasn't changed. I struggle to even notice any thing physical that is like me but I have unfortunately decided that he does have my big behind (poor kid). He is an introvert, enjoys writing, loves history, is opinionated, but at the same time will go on stage and perform in front of a crowd of people. He is not one for big crowds and enjoys time to himself. Presto, that is my carbon copy! I hope this experience works well for him, my middle child that seems to gravitate towards any direction that is not mainstream.

 

 

J Man my youngest is going to get tested with a reading specialist. He is an amazing kid with all the issues he started with. He has Dandy Walker which caused a small part of his brain to not develop.  As a result, the space fills with fluid which causes hydrocephalus, fluid on the brain. It can kill you to have too much fluid on the brain so the shunt drains it to the stomach. He has only two shunt surgeries and one shunt infection, scary stuff. Consequently, J man has worked hard to get through every major milestone and has been in therapy since he was one. He is now ready for a reading specialist because his brain is ready to learn. These kids have weaknesses on one or both sides of the brain and with extensive therapy they have to balance out these areas. It used to be that J Man would read to me but when I showed him the same word in a different context, he was unable to sound out the word. The kid was so amazing, memorizing every word from a book. He is now able to sound out words in many different books. People ask me why are you getting a specialist when you are a teacher. J Man is cognitively impaired and I am a learning disabled teacher. It is a different ball park. Plus, I make J Man read with me every day.

 

We are so blessed to have the people we have in our lives and my three boys are completely different from each other. It is a colorful world we live in and I am so thankful.

Journey

Note: For some reason my first blog stopped working so I combined my old posts here. Also, I do not edit my posts they are for my sanity only so please don't mind the typing errors and grammar.

 

First post: My Little Girl

Ever since I was a little girl, and I mean little, it was stuck in my head that I was going to adopt...go to another country, do mission work, and in the process adopt. Let's just say life happened and now that I'm in my latter part of my life I have decided to add a little girl to the mix of my three boys, two exchange students, two labs, and of course my lovely husband. Although the process is still new, I can barely contain how excited I am to have 4 classes out of way, one more to go, and an orientation meeting scheduled for March 11th. I've been saying it forever, checked out about every other website, every agency, every option from international to infant, and have finally opted for foster care in the United States. Yet, there I am checking the profiles on Adopt US Kids even though I know it's too early yet. AND IT's FOR REAL THIS TIME!

But, what the biggest issue is:

My gain is a huge loss for them as they get new parents and not their biological parents. And even though they are in foster care for a reason they will always love their parents. So, it's not a perfect situation, knowing that they will have that natural sorrow that comes with adoption.


My biggest hope for my future daughter is that she will have a secure life, make her dreams come true, and have the chance to be in a home where there is love and calmness.

For my boys, I hope they learn to love their sister and understand how lucky they are.

For my husband, to know how much I APPRECIATE HIM FOLLOWING MY dreams!

And most of all, to God for everything. Thanks for blessing me every day!

 

 

Second Post: March 2014

Like I said, I have been talking adoption forever but now am finally doing something about it. But for the last six months, I have been checking my state's adoption website because I noticed this 14 year old girl who reminded me of a mini me...dirty brown hair, green eyes, and dorky glasses. The thing that really got to me about this girl was what she said when they asked her what she was looking for her in a family. She lowered her pained look to the ground as she whispered, "Just someone to accept me as I am." It nabbed me in the gut how this teenage girl was not asking for things like most teens, but instead mere acceptance and someone to love her for who she is. So, basically, when I checked the website today my heart dropped when I saw she had been matched. Amanda who absolutely loves books and Harry Potter. In the back of my mind I think I was hoping she would still be available when our home study was completed. I am happy for her to have found someone but there was just something about her that I felt a connection to.


Tuesday is my orientation meeting and we have our last class coming up March 22. I am so excited and nervous about all the big decisions...foster to adopt, young or older, out of state in state, and again, nervous about all the horror stories online. I want to be smart and make the best situation for my children, husband, and the child. Pray for me as I make these decisions.

And, Amanda, I pray that your new family gives you that acceptance you deserve!

 

Third Post:

A find at a consignment shop....doesn't it seem like things happen for a reason! A write in daughter's book:)

 

4th Post:

And it begins....

And the paper chase begins....
drum roll....
pen and paper
nope
I need to type
Writing is too sloppy!
Can I be a super mom and get that paperwork done in a flash so I can meet you even faster?


Hope So!
)

 

4th Post:My Glow Stick Dancers

May they always dance fearlessly!

My husband and I had an argument about our two boys doing a dance routine at the talent show. The first time he went to a talent show for my  son, he heard some kids make fun of him. So, he flat out refused to go if they performed. I know in his own way that he was worried about how he would react to the bullying if there was any mean comments. I choose to cheer like crazy when they announced their names so that the students around me would be aware that his parents were close by. Everyone was great and I even heard people yell out their names in encouragement.

A lady next to me even started clapping and getting the audience going when they were laughing at this boy who had an okay voice.Everyone followed her lead. One person made a difference and in the end he actually received the most cheers.

Many times I look at the comments posted on pictures and videos and I want to literally cry. Why do we call  each other ugly, stupid, and worthless?

The talent show reminded me that we all have the ability to make things positive. I am proud of my boys and that they tried out for something and followed through.

5th Post:

It was quite fitting that I walked into that coffee shop today because everything about the place from the  bright colors and hopeful quotes painted in the ceilings projected peace and patience. To be truthful, the one aspect of my life that I consistently struggle with on a daily basis is patience. I want to get from A to Z quickly. Now, I'm not that kind of person who gets mad that I have to wait in line, rather, I actually embellish having human contact and will avoid the u scans even if I have to wait. It is the personal goals I have for family and myself that get me distracted and impatient. 

Right now, one of my paths in my journey is adoption. We started  in January and now it is August and we are still waiting to get our license. It is so hard to look at the empty room and not want to fill it with pretty things like pink flowers and hearts. It is a long process and I need to be patient because I know you are out there and we are waiting for you! Plus, you might not like pink flowers and hearts.


So, this blog is going to be a tool to help me "run towards the sun" in the hopes that I will savor every moment and work hard to avoid all the distractions around me like work, technology, money, and the plain old junk cluttering around in my heart and head.  It will be my fifteen minute reminder to validate my feelings and than move on. My journey to be a better person. That is why Walt Whitman's quote, "keep your face always toward the sunshine-and the shadows will fall behind you", sticks. How many times did I turn from the sun and let the shadows take over what is really important?

As I head towards the sun, I am going to stop and appreciate what I do have this week. The real beauty of life is living.